'Tis hard season of Imperial raiders
heavy sailing South, East, and West
preciously hoarding gold and metal
enslaving original at King's request
Oh, how the sailors raped the ladies
murdering husband sans any regret
taking lands by swords and musket
but Happiest Holidays nevertheless!
There are no roads less traveled by
Life's thoroughfares perdured the same
A high road here, a low road there
All paths paved gold without a name
There are no roads less traveled by
Earth's interstates evenly trudged
A species here, a life-form there
All copycats by blue moons judged
There are no roads less traveled by
Time's turnpikes uniformly fared
A signpost here, a rest stop there
All echos where the eagles dared
I'm wishing you a very Happy Birthday Emily
for me you've always been a very kind cousin
showing me affection, sharing a caring smile!
You're a sharp wit with great senses of humor
have a warm, infectious laugh glowing ginger
and bring a happy to my heart when we meet!
We've got a long way to go
Before our time is done
It all rests on temperance
And making each day fun
Care and feeding top the list
Willpower is the key
It all hangs on safekeeping
And being trouble-free
We've got time left on the clock
'For the final buzzer
It all banks on gratitude
And taking care, brother!
If these age spots on my hands are any indication,
an old caboose shortly shall be leaving the station
Achy back and stiff neck
Heavy as a sea cow
Itchy balls and tired feet
Ready for the last ciao
I'm sorry 'bout Rick
But oh, such a prick
so, then he 'twas hit
By karma's big stick
I've just realized I've got a woman
I've had two, but the first one died
been tellin' myself I can dump her
yet I saw that's an emboldened lie
I've remembered now my grateful
I'll never again forget how blessed
to have my good woman lovin' me
'tis all mattering of whatever's left
You gave us diaper changes
Dusting off each dimpled duff
Finished with a pat or two
Goo-goo ga-ga in the buff
You watched us grow up roundly
Teaching true the Poo-Bah's prayer
Followed up at Christmastime
Chocolate fudge beyond compare
You cared for us in your way
Harking back those nappy times
Out of sight but never mind
Auntie Em a hundred chimes!
I remember how you once loved me,
your affections 'pon my heart string
oh, thank you my dear cousin Emily
to your 100th happy birthdays I sing!
They landed 'pon our open place
as six continent heartlands each
taking charge with mind control
they gave humanity these orders
Every human skilled as a literate
shall write one sonnet about love
yet violent rapists and murderers
must pen one ode for each victim
