'Tis hard season of Imperial raiders

heavy sailing South, East, and West

preciously hoarding gold and metal

enslaving original at King's request


Oh, how the sailors raped the ladies

murdering husband sans any regret

taking lands by swords and musket

but Happiest Holidays nevertheless!

There are no roads less traveled by

Life's thoroughfares perdured the same

A high road here, a low road there

All paths paved gold without a name


There are no roads less traveled by

Earth's interstates evenly trudged

A species here, a life-form there

All copycats by blue moons judged


There are no roads less traveled by

Time's turnpikes uniformly fared

A signpost here, a rest stop there

All echos where the eagles dared

I'm wishing you a very Happy Birthday Emily

for me you've always been a very kind cousin

showing me affection, sharing a caring smile!


You're a sharp wit with great senses of humor

have a warm, infectious laugh glowing ginger

and bring a happy to my heart when we meet!

We've got a long way to go

Before our time is done

It all rests on temperance

And making each day fun


Care and feeding top the list

Willpower is the key

It all hangs on safekeeping 

And being trouble-free


We've got time left on the clock

'For the final buzzer

It all banks on gratitude

And taking care, brother!

If these age spots on my hands are any indication,

an old caboose shortly shall be leaving the station

Achy back and stiff neck

Heavy as a sea cow

Itchy balls and tired feet

Ready for the last ciao

I'm sorry 'bout Rick

But oh, such a prick

so, then he 'twas hit

By karma's big stick

Loving is the art of life 

Freely in the making

Giving is the gift of love

Gratis in the taking

I've just realized I've got a woman

I've had two, but the first one died

been tellin' myself I can dump her

yet I saw that's an emboldened lie


I've remembered now my grateful

I'll never again forget how blessed

to have my good woman lovin' me

'tis all mattering of whatever's left

You gave us diaper changes

Dusting off each dimpled duff

Finished with a pat or two

Goo-goo ga-ga in the buff


You watched us grow up roundly

Teaching true the Poo-Bah's prayer

Followed up at Christmastime

Chocolate fudge beyond compare


You cared for us in your way

Harking back those nappy times

Out of sight but never mind

Auntie Em a hundred chimes!

I remember how you once loved me,

your affections 'pon my heart string

oh, thank you my dear cousin Emily

to your 100th happy birthdays I sing!

They landed 'pon our open place

as six continent heartlands each

taking charge with mind control

they gave humanity these orders


Every human skilled as a literate

shall write one sonnet about love

yet violent rapists and murderers

must pen one ode for each victim

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