Homicidal Hank Kerring

I'd planned on murdering Tucker Carlson,

when he'd gone to the store all by himself

for what reason each and every Thursday, 

he lone shopped while restocking shelves

Shadowing him right over to lunch meats,

a monkey wrench got thrown in my plans

here came face to face with Sean Hannity!

so, I man-slaughtered instead the big ham

Glancing over I saw Carlson's near coolers,

transferring two one-gallon sweet tea jugs

he's staring straight at me and drops them,

so, I shoot him too with the leftover's slugs

Needless to say I won't make it outta there,

off-duty cops in the pickle's aisle had been

no time remaining for reloading any gusto,

so, my blood flows like sweet tea's revenge